Post by Ciel on May 10, 2007 13:19:00 GMT -5
ugghhhh. oaky. amanda. again. i saw her...she gave justin some kinda note, and he cant lie to me and say it wasent like that. i didnt ask him...i shoulda asked him...but i knew he was gonna lie to me...why make things hurt worse. justin...your stuid.
Its like every time i got to school...i harden my self. i tell my self OVER AND OVER AGAIN.. about wahts gonna happen, about how im gonna feel when it dose. i tell myself so much, that i harden myself, so it wont hurt as much, if not at all. but sometimes, there are days when im so happy, i forget to harden my self, my mind, and i get scared. im so afraid to get hurt, that id sacrafice how i feel, my whole self. i've trained my self to become bitter..to never care. ive NEVER cried over justin. EVER. and i swore to myself that i never will. hes hurt me alot, but i still havent creid. i'll train myself to never cry again. somone once told me, that crying is what makes you human...and ill give up being HUMSaN, ill give up BEING ME, as long as i can protect myslf from getting hurt. ive put up so many walls ive never had before. i dont wanna be so weak n-e more. i'll be storng...and i wont let ne body in....except 4 my two best freinds.. therye everything to me the only ones i will allow the walls down with...even though sometimes that hurts.. Why dont i just break up with him??? why dont i just get it over with...?? u wanna know why...??...i dont know...i like him alot...but it gives no reason 4 him to treat me like this....i can hardly belive im letting it happen...its like i have no morals ne more..i have no nothing......not even me...
theres always more fish in the sea right?.....i wonder..
Its like every time i got to school...i harden my self. i tell my self OVER AND OVER AGAIN.. about wahts gonna happen, about how im gonna feel when it dose. i tell myself so much, that i harden myself, so it wont hurt as much, if not at all. but sometimes, there are days when im so happy, i forget to harden my self, my mind, and i get scared. im so afraid to get hurt, that id sacrafice how i feel, my whole self. i've trained my self to become bitter..to never care. ive NEVER cried over justin. EVER. and i swore to myself that i never will. hes hurt me alot, but i still havent creid. i'll train myself to never cry again. somone once told me, that crying is what makes you human...and ill give up being HUMSaN, ill give up BEING ME, as long as i can protect myslf from getting hurt. ive put up so many walls ive never had before. i dont wanna be so weak n-e more. i'll be storng...and i wont let ne body in....except 4 my two best freinds.. therye everything to me the only ones i will allow the walls down with...even though sometimes that hurts.. Why dont i just break up with him??? why dont i just get it over with...?? u wanna know why...??...i dont know...i like him alot...but it gives no reason 4 him to treat me like this....i can hardly belive im letting it happen...its like i have no morals ne more..i have no nothing......not even me...
theres always more fish in the sea right?.....i wonder..